| Summary: | 碩士 === 國立臺北藝術大學 === 新媒體藝術學系碩士班 === 107 === To retrieve messages hidden in works created before the first appearance of the author’s psychiatric disorder in 2016 and to unravel the tangled relationship between author’s self and art, this dissertation was drafted between 2016 to 2018, after the interference of medication and psychoanalysis, and in between aphanisis and amnesia that occurred continually during this period of time. The most demanding part of this quest comes from the complexity of psychiatric disorder, including the massive variation of causes and anosognosia.
Written in May 2018, Chapter 2: Review, walks through the evolution of names of the very disorder happened to the author, and selects artworks created by those who were under the psychiatric disorder.
Then, by questioning the author’s Ego and existence, hence digging into author’s self-identity and the trigger of author’s illness, Chapter 3: home and intimacy brushes over three pieces of the author created before 2016 – 《A sojourn: The lingering soul》, 《My dear… 》, and《The Tomorrow That Never Come》, whose common factors of these particular artworks are not only that they were all initiated from the author’s sentiments, but that these sentiments were coincidentally intrigued by the Other – family and relationships.
However, while tracing author’s previous artworks back, the author finds self deadlocked by the sentiments that provoked these works. Not until in Chapter 4: Coming-Backs– 2019, I realized that the only way to redirect myself back to my original intention of making art is to formulate my lost self with words, rather than another artwork – which might drag me back into the loop that agitates endless anxiety and insecurity.
At length, after inspecting the author’s self inside out, Chapter 5: The Part of Self deduces that instead of an intact whole, one’s presence is naturally a section of the self, composed by even smaller fragments. That is to say, as an alternative to endlessly pursue one’s whole, one could simply present myself as a part of this very moment at ease – there is nothing needed to be cured.
On this basis, Chapter 6: The Conclusion collates phases of the author’s creation and derives the prospect of my arts and myself.
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