| Summary: | 碩士 === 國立臺北教育大學 === 心理與諮商學系碩士班 === 107 === This self-study started out from my experience of losing my mother and finding out to be pregnant at the same time – two distinct stressful life events which brought about mixed feelings of joy and grief. I had to go through the grief process and at the same time adapt to tremendous changes in life and structural changes of the family. However, in the process of giving birth and raising my daughter, I felt a change in my inner strength. It was a change that happened as the love for my daughter grew and my own experience of being loved was recalled. In the meantime, the issue of self-differentiation surfaced.
I used the writing method of psychological displacement to carry out a dialogue with the text. The narration began with grief and the experience of childbearing and child rearing, which then proceeded on to the memory of my relationship with my family of origin, leading to further self-awareness, reflection and reframing. And through repeated action taking, my own growth was promoted.
For the results of the research, I divided the grief journey that I went through into four stages: "the world collapsed," "Mom is not there and will never be never again," "transformation and resilience emerged," and "settling down the memory." The experience of being a mother for the first time, which coincides with the grief journey, makes me a "career with missing feelings", and the two pressures become mutual help. Changes in the level of my self-differentiation were also identified, journeying from a polarized view of the “all-good” and “all-bad” parents to a "borrowed ruler" view through which I judged myself by the standards of others; then arriving at the "recognition of my maturity" - using the sense of reality to consolidate myself.
Finally, the transfer of my identity was also observed. When I first lost my mother, I clung onto my family of origin with a desperate need of maintaining a close connection with them. Then, I gradually shifted my focus to my current family because of family development, and also because I had walked through the grief journey. In the meantime, an increase in the level of my self-differentiation was seen.
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