| Summary: | 碩士 === 實踐大學 === 家庭研究與兒童發展學系家庭諮商與輔導碩士班 === 105 === This research aims to understand the changing process of a man's Self from same-sex love relationships: from the beginning, to the middle indecisive back-and-forth state, and then the termination of the love affair. The researcher conducted an in-depth interview with a homosexual man, analyzed the narratives with holist-content reading, and presented the entire psychological process as the text.
The results of this research indicate that there are six stages in the research participant's love relationship: 1. denial of the homosexual lust; 2. concealment and evasion of the homosexual lust; 3. acceptance of the heterosexual love in the initial stage of the relationship; 4. pursuit of the homosexual lust; 5. chaos and loss in the middle of the relationship; and 6. healing the wounds at the end of the relationship.
There are also six stages in the changing process of the research participant's Self: 1. the guilty Self; 2. its disappearance; 3. its longing to be loved in the initial stage of the relationship; 4. the mentally exhausted Self; 5. its wounds by lovelornness in the middle of the relationship; and 6. the Self rebalance of love. When the research participant acknowledges his sexual orientation, he is able to value himself more and be more willing to take care of his needs.
There are two recurring themes throughout the aforementioned six stages of changing Self: 1. the pursuit of "my" life is worthwhile; and 2. the cycle of wanting love but can't. The research results also show that when the research participant decided to let the other determine his self value, he not only belittle it but at the same time also enlarge the importance of love for him. His own value is confirmed through the constant confirmation of their relationship─which finds himself being trapped further by love. The meaning of this process for the research participant is developing from an inconsistent to a consistent self-state and layer by layer, peeling off the appearances of self-projected ideal lover. As the he slowly detaches the initially massive love attachment, he also learns to love himself. The research results are further discussed and suggestions for practitioners are put forward.
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