| Summary: | 碩士 === 國立清華大學 === 教育心理與諮商學系 === 105 === The story is about seeing my own frozen self, melting into getting close to my mother, and returning to the original family. Through the life-narrative, facing the oppressing trauma and suffering, I tried to answer the questions ‘’ What’s the happening of the situation that makes me become not to express and unconcerned?’’, ‘’no matter others ask my for help or not, I am still unhappy. What do I actually want?’’ and ‘’ I want to go home, but as soon as I get into my home, I want to leave immediately. What can I do to feel comfortable and free at home? Seeing how I trapped myself and finding the resources I owned, I reinterpret the life experiences, forming the understanding and reconciliation gradually, and the most importantly, I have the energy and ability to really go back home mentally.
The story is mingled with the control and emotion. In my family experiences, obeying the needs of transferring the school endlessly from my mother, I lose the world and my own spirit, which makes me coldhearted and buries myself into the world of study in order not to feel anguished. However, because of being quiet, untroublesome, willing to study, and using my invisible rope to bind my vitality, I become the insulator in the counseling field of the current education system. Through the process of aging and contacting with people, I aware of the circle that keeps trapping and contradicting myself.
At first, the freezing emotion is hard to feel and I unconsciously get used to the alienation and reason when facing things. Through reading related academic publications and literatures, sharing the relevant experiences and getting the feedbacks from the audiences, and interact with the individuals during the intern process, I see the oppressed amount of rages of myself little by little, perceiving that the role of victim contributes to my own decision, beginning to grow my own personality and learning to feel, to express myself, and start to approach my original family, which acknowledges me the influences from social cultures of Chinese, the gender factors, the situation of the real world, and the economic pressure of a small family. At last, through seeing thing at different aspects, exposing myself to the burdened sorrow really, realizing the injuries caused from each other, and go through the anger, I welcome myself, other person, and my parents, leading to the integration and self-accept.
With the narration of life, I am not only close to my own cold and strong under the rough, more understanding of myself, but also knowing about more eager to heal and habitual fall back and forth struggling. Expect the future by helping others of the input, I can accompany with the help of painless partners, as well as in the family who encountered difficulties could face their inner-self and get back to their subjectivity.
|
|---|
