I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

• Main Authors: Shane L. Rogers, Jill Howieson, Casey Neame
• Format: Article
• Language: English
• Published: PeerJ Inc. 2018-05-01
• Series: PeerJ
• Subjects: Communicating perspective; I-statements; You-statements; Defensiveness; Hostility; Interpersonal conflict
• Online Access: https://peerj.com/articles/4831.pdf

Using hypothetical scenarios, we provided participants with potential opening statements to a conflict discussion that varied on I/you language and communicated perspective. Participants rated the likelihood that the recipient of the statement would react in a defensive manner. Using I-language and communicating perspective were both found to reduce perceptions of hostility. Statements that communicated both self- and other-perspective using I-language (e.g. ‘I understand why you might feel that way, but I feel this way, so I think the situation is unfair’) were rated as the best strategy to open a conflict discussion. Simple acts of initial language use can reduce the chances that conflict discussion will descend into a downward spiral of hostility.